@fakegoldegg: toothpaste is a big scam. if ur tooth falls out, it stays out. toothpaste Will Not paste it back in.
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@PetrickSara: Little known fact: Young children’s bones are not the same as an adult. Children’s elbows are actually made of knives.
@SteveHuff: People are so wary of technology still. I grew up living directly under high power lines & only have 1 sentient mole that orders me to kill.
@Tmoney68: *quietly opens cheese wrapper* *dogs come running from upstairs* Me: How the hell did you hear that? [10 minutes later] *gf quietly opens bag of chips* Me: (from upstairs) ARE THOSE MY CHIPS?
@imdaintyaf: How do animals in children's books always have nicer houses than mine when they don't have jobs & all they do all day is learn life lessons?