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@jamdugg: Totes McGoats is short for Totally McGoatally
@anotherbecky429: Nothing like the dreaded "Mom I missed the bus" text to get you up and moving.
@AndrewProTV: I just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my room, using my phone as a flashlight...
@alldrolledup: 4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
@timdonakowski: Don’t assume Wal-Mart sells walls. Unless you want an argument about existential reality with an 85-year-old greeter.
@david8hughes: [sees huge guy at the gym]
Me: do you take steroids
*guy spends 15 minutes talking me thru his diet plan*
Me: when do you eat the steroids