@JediGigi: [1st date] Him: What do you do for fun? Me: I like pretending I'm someone else. Him: Wow? You do impersonations? Me: No, I steal identities.

@lejessica: The 80's called and they want you to stop saying they called.

@seamussaid: I suppose you can take my cold dead hand when you pry it from my warm live one and charge me w/unlawful possession of human remains

@BoyCalledAnn: Coke is just cherry coke after it's lost its virginity.

@shutupmikeginn: While you guys were wasting your time talking about politics I got banned from the Yahoo Answers 'Horse' section