@iwearaonesie

trainer: Why are you here?
everyone else: To get fit!
me [with a mouthful of gummy bears] Mmfff

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My daughter said I was too old for over-the-knee boots so I bought two pair and told her she was too young to borrow them.

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If dogs named famous people, we would have:
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I cleaned out all my closets and now it looks like a flea market threw up in my dining room.

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@Stap_Jr

Dominos sent me an email while I was in the frozen pizza section. Trust issues much? I’ll call you later, relax.

@LikeABaus91

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