Tellingly, right before she died, my grandma’s final purchase at Bed, Bath & Beyond was “Curtains.”
trainer: Why are you here?
everyone else: To get fit!
me [with a mouthful of gummy bears] Mmfff
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One time I was so high, my flatscreen fell off the wall and I thought it was just part of the movie.
We cut our bangs at dawn.
We have 3 bathrooms at our new home, the master, the kid’s, and the spider bathroom, so we have 2 bathrooms.
just gonna leave this here
Conan: The US is on pace 2 b the world’s largest producer of oil. So if history has taught us anything, the US will soon be invading the US.
shave your dog in the winter so he stands out in the crowd. if you lose him u can easily describe him as the cold bald dog
Your husband’s super cute, is he single?
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.