@sageboggs: KANYE: I made Taylor Swift famous TRUMP: We should ban all Muslims KANYE: BILL COSBY INNOCENT TRUMP: THE POPE SUCKS KANYE: damn ur good

@Glorificus917: When someone asks me if I'm seeing anyone, I automatically assume they're talking about a psychiatrist.

@LostCatDog: I demand Lisa from high school face me in a public debate about why she made out with Craig when it was MY BIRTHDAY PARTY

@TheRobCee: [Taylor Swift on toilet, going #2. Kanye jumps out of her shower] "Yo, Taylor- I'm really happy for you & I'm-a let you finish, but..."

@LarrysTwin99: Guys, If you mistakenly ask a woman at work if she’s pregnant and she’s not, save face and ask if she wants to be pregnant