Just went to get coffee in the break room and the pot was empty. So now, I have to wait for someone else make another pot. Such bullshit.
Trains delayed due to:
– Wrong kind of sun
– Ominous cloud
– Slightly damp leaf
– Chilly track
– Suspicious gravel
– Sarcastic swan
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vodka is tricky, cause 1 second you think you’re a supreme heavyweight and its not effecting you, & the next you’re chatting up a chair
*pours a bucket of water into the ocean*
You’re free now
BOSS: I hate “yes men.”
ME: Yeah. Me too.
BOSS: I like employees who speak their mind.
ME: Yeah. They’re the best.
BOSS: You get me.
When I die I’m going to donate my body to the Humanities. I don’t want some STEMlords poking around inside my organs. I would much rather have a bunch of English majors & MFA candidates just sort of have at it & do what they see fit with my corpse. Lord knows they have so little.
[sitting at a table]
Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across.
Me: crosses out and writes new number
Man, those guys in the Cialis commercial sure are charmed by their wives’ approximations of human behavior
My apathy is at an all time whatever.
I just want to hug this out. With my hands around your neck type of hug. What I mean is, I want to strangle you.
WHEN DO WE STOP COUNTING BACKWARDS I’M AT LIKE NEGATIVE 42,360