My grandparents worked hard to make sure their kids had everything and I’m working hard and not having kids to make sure I keep everything.
*Trains lightning bugs to spell*
Karen, they have a message for u
WILL YOU M-
Oh good. Here I packed your bags already.
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You know shit’s getting real when someone bets their glass eye at the neighborhood poker game.
Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
ME, MEETING ANYONE NAMED BLAIR: Hi, I loved your Witch Project.
Me: ssshhh it’s still nighttime look the sun is still sleeping
5yo: the sun doesn’t sleep, mum, the earth rotates and the sun’s on the other side
5yo: you don’t know anything, do you
I tried to contact Joan Rivers through my ouija board, and a message came back: “If I wasn’t already dead, your outfit would’ve killed me”.
Sad that at 36 I have yet to experience the dirty dancing lift. If it doesn’t happen by 40 I’ll just start running at random strangers.
Date: tell me something you’re were really good at as a kid.
Me: spelling bee.
Date: oh nice! do you still got it?
Just made a voodoo doll of myself that I’m about to beat some sense into.
I have a solar eclipse every two minutes inside my living room ever since my toddler learned how to open & close the blinds.