*goes into kitchen
*sits at table
*opens Sunday paper
“WHO ARE YOU & WHY ARE YOU IN MY KITCHEN?”
Transform chocolate into a balanced meal by eating it standing on one leg WITHOUT falling over. Chocolate yoga: it’s the next big thing.
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A cop pulled me over because he thought I was talking on a cell phone but really I was just rubbing a slice of pizza on the side of my face
My kid lost a tooth and the Tooth Fairy doesn’t have anything less than a $20 bill.
This is not the motherhood I envisioned.
Most problems can be solved by pouring a concrete slab over the person causing the problems.
i’m laughing very hard in real life
My 6yo hacker daughter has discovered that she can use her Google mini to control her brother’s Google mini in his room.
I just had to scold her for messing with him by remotely playing random music that he hates, just to troll him
I’m not ready for this.
“How many people work at your company?”
About half of them.
I just went to the shops intending to buy fruit and vegetables and because I was wearing a mask my glasses steamed up and I couldn’t see properly and I ended up buying 6 boxes of doughnuts and I have no idea how that happened
Just found a new app that that tells you which one of your friends are boring. It’s called Facebook.
Shout out to the top 5 lists in the world, naughty, check, bronze meda, Your Kiss is on My, and Craig’s.