Its not what it looks like officer!
“you were driving down the highway taking selfies singing n’sync”
Ok I guess it was what it looked like
Tried a new flavor from my favorite brand of energy drinks.
It was the 2nd grossest taste I’ve ever had in my mouth.
(No offense, Andrea.)
You Might Also Like
*puts “Baby on Board” sticker on car so people will think I’ve had the sex*
Close the door.
You’re letting the wifi out.
[touring our solar system]
alien: so they named all their planets after their gods?
guide: all but one
alien: what’s better than gods?
guide: *checks notes* dirt
I can’t take this show seriously until they address the size of Clifford the Big Red Dog’s poops.
Boss: I’m following you on Twitter.
Me: Sweet! ‘Nother follower!
Me: Oh wait. Shit.
My wife does this cute thing now & then where she goes out shopping for next years yard sale items.
there are some wounds only potatoes can heal
Cashier: you’re 8 cents short
Me: it’s only 8 cents can you just let it slide
Me: *slides cashier 20 dollars* what about now
YOU CANT GROUND ME, THE GOVERNMENT ALREADY DID