Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.
Triscuits are a good snack if you’ve already eaten all the other snacks in your house and the boxes they came in and your own hands
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[into the abyss]
no you hang up first
Jason Statham is a reluctant thief with a heart of gold
PUNCH McEXPLODEY CAR MAN
*fade to black*
Signs that things aren’t going well: 1) your gums bleed when u brush your hair. 2) u pray for the demise of the same 6 people every day.
99% of smokers are just wanna-be dragons. Everybody knows that.
The Supreme Court is really just a regular court with tomatoes and sour cream.
Homeless man: Change please
Me: sorry dude I don’t have any money on me
Homeless man: No, change…That outfit is hideous
I buy my shoes three sizes too big so if I run into a clown posse I’ll have automatic street cred.
there are three types of writers;
1) those who plot their books
2) those who discover their plot along the way
3) those who know what will happen but their book is a bit feral still, needs a bath, has bitten and will bite again
Nobody in this grocery store thinks I’m a good bowler. Also, clean up in aisle four.