@cray_at_home_ma

Triscuits are a good snack if you’ve already eaten all the other snacks in your house and the boxes they came in and your own hands

You Might Also Like

@SCbchbum

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

@PeachyPixel8

Coming Soon
Jason Statham is a reluctant thief with a heart of gold

*cue explosion*

PUNCH McEXPLODEY CAR MAN

*fade to black*

@eddiepepitone

Signs that things aren’t going well: 1) your gums bleed when u brush your hair. 2) u pray for the demise of the same 6 people every day.

@Schindizzle

The Supreme Court is really just a regular court with tomatoes and sour cream.

@LaziestCanine

Homeless man: Change please
Me: sorry dude I don’t have any money on me
Homeless man: No, change…That outfit is hideous

@ClichedOut

I buy my shoes three sizes too big so if I run into a clown posse I’ll have automatic street cred.

@PaperFury

there are three types of writers;
1) those who plot their books
2) those who discover their plot along the way
3) those who know what will happen but their book is a bit feral still, needs a bath, has bitten and will bite again

@YesThatAmy

Nobody in this grocery store thinks I’m a good bowler. Also, clean up in aisle four.