Beastie Boys: So whatcha whatcha whatcha want?
2020: *deep breath*
TRIX RABBIT [finally eating a bowl of Trix cereal]: Ehh
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*opens new donut shop called “The Gym”*
Remember: if you see a tie on my doorknob, it means I’m taking the door to prom
Wasted my annual good hair day at work again this year.
“So kids, I was married to your mom & I met this girl on Twitter, we started DMing and one thing led to another”
-How I Met Your Stepmother
Every relationship needs boundaries…
….mine are set at 500 feet according to the paperwork.
HER: i’m leaving u
ME: is it bc i’m so optimistic
ME: cool see u tonight
Ok this TV character is expecting an important phone call from the kidnapper and they haven’t gotten once single spam call the whole time.
Must be nice.
GUY: How do you make a living?
FRANKENSTEIN: make a living what?
I just want to be wealthy enough to leave notes for the house-sitter like “If the puma seems restless, let him splash in the Jacuzzi a bit.”