i was just about to ramp my car off a cliff into the ocean but then i remembered someone had told me to drive safe earlier
TRIX RABBIT [finally eating a bowl of Trix cereal]: Ehh
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On your first day of prison, go up to the biggest, scariest guy there, and ask him “Have you heard of updog?”
*shows up to a knife fight with a bunch of cakes and settles everything*
6yo wants to “have a conversation” with the class bully’s parents. Either he’s mature beyond his years or he’s a mobster.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
Little known fact, Alvin wore the big A on his shirt because he slept around.
A moment of silence please for the bottle of wine I just dropped.
It was a tragic accident.
Gone too soon.
Colossal ancient god: YOUR SACRIFICE?
Me: *frantically googling “gift ideas”*
Me: Hurry up! If mommy is late to work then I get fired then we don’t have money to pay the rent and then we’re homeless.
6yo: [sees homeless guy] Looks like that guy was late to work.
Strange things: the prequel
2 Stranger 2 Things
Stranger Things 6: Tokyo Drift