“Can’t argue with that!” he said, pointing to an inanimate object.
TRUMP: Hillary won’t stand up to America’s enemies. I will.
*Gets into fights with Miss Universe, Gold Star family, and a baby*
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My husband asked if I had a new year’s resolution and I told him it was to not yell at the kids and then we both fell about laughing
dad: snapping a pic of your grandma in her coffin is weird
me: it’s socially acceptable these days
dad: just hurry up so we can put her back in the ground
Colin Firth has a younger brother named Colin Thecond
Daughter: I love you mommy
Me: I love you!
Daughter: I’m not talking to you. I’m playing with my dinosaurs.
Me: Cool cool cool.
Me muttering: ungrateful little…
how dare you call me when dogs 101 is on
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
I saw a guy that had a knife on his belt tonight and I thought, “now there’s a guy that’s really prepared to slice some cake”
If someone brought me coffee right now I would follow them around like an imprinted baby bird forever.