[Home Depot staff meeting]
BOSS: Someone has been breaking all the wood. Any idea who it is?
ME: [tightening my green karate belt] Probably someone pretty strong.
TRUMP: I’m building a wall to keep Mexicans out.
AMERICANS: I’m going to Canada if Trump is elected.
CANADIANS: We need to build a wall.
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picking up knife:
picking up knife in movie: *SHING*
“Does anybody in the car have a heart condition?” I ask as I slide my Smash Mouth CD into the radio.
I want to hire someone to wake me up each morning by bursting into my room and yelling, “Get dressed and grab your gun — they found him.”
“want to go grab some dinner?”
*lights cat on fire* sorry I can’t my cats on fire
From your body language, you’re either uncomfortable or just waiting for your host body to die.
People who find your stuff, then claim it’s theirs:
I like long walks away from everyone
Good morning, here are some ABBA songs that could also be about Mario:
• Mamma Mia
• Money, Money, Money
• Super Trooper
• Name of the Game
• I’ve Been Waiting For You
• The Winner Takes It All
Please let me know if there are any more.