All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society’s way of preparing you for your driver’s license photo.
Trying to decide who to leave my middle fingers to when I die.
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My mother-in-law said “just do what you normally do” when she came to stay with us. Not going to lie, naked Saturday was a little awkward.
I Really Didn’t Think I’d Need A Cart
~ A Costco Story ~
Being a parent is the most rewarding job in the world. Unless you have a job where the reward is, for example, getting paid.
Got kicked out of karate class for kicking people out of karate class
i cant believe ashton kutcher made the apple computer and iphones. thank you ashton
Interviewer: [extends arm] hello
Me: [extends arm but hand is stuck in a Pringles can] hello
Hey guys, which cell phone provider drops the most calls? I need to get one for my mom.
Falling in love on Twitter.
-an Italian guy describing an oak