@myonlymizztake: Trying to do deadlifts at the gym, but I can't figure out where they hide the bodies.
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@doktorj: *lies down on waxing table Aesthetician(on phone): Cancel all my appts, check the moon phase and bring me a gun loaded with silver bullets.
@robboma3: Seriously In 20 years time and you're at a pub quiz and a question starts with "in what year" Just answer 2016
@teacup_giraffe: I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you're right fellas, men are smarter than women.
@AndrewsNotFunny: Her: I like guys that are confident Me *looking her square in the eye* worcestershire