@molly7anne: *trying to explain to the dog why we aren’t keeping the 3 foot traffic cone he found* listen babe I know you’re colorblind so this is a little hard to understand, but it matches literally nothing in the house. you’re going to obliterate the vibe.
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@AndrewNadeau0: BARBER: So what do you do? ME: I’m a writer, and you? BARBER: ME: BARBER: I’m a barb— ME: Barber, right, yes.
@SamReidSays: Dogs are probably really excited about dog sledding before they find out what it actually is.
@KarenKilgariff: When you die, you walk down a tunnel of light and then that sentient paperclip from MS Word pops up and asks you what you want to do next.