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@stevevsninjas: TSA agent: Please remove all footwear
TSA agent: Not mine, sir
@darkmatter_wimp: Satan: "I'm gonna put letters in mathematics. Lol!"
God: "I'm gonna make them all kill each other because of me."
@ShesARealGenius: [Me, watching my murderer wipe down everything as I'm dying]: "Oh, you don't have to do that, don't worry about it."
@_youhadonejob: The fourth largest religion.
@ItsAndyRyan: Decaf means something is very, very Dec.
@omgshuddup: Netflix an..holy shit! How'd you get your pants off that fast?