@SteveKoehler22

Turkeys are crazy.

They hunch down and freeze in groups
in grocery store coolers to elude hunters.

Must be a safety in numbers thing.

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@AnExocticBeach

I can’t take this anymore. I’m breaking into the zoo and throwing myself into the meerkat exhibit

@farouq_yahaya

I was passing by, and I saw this guy in the bush shouting “Help, snake help”

I just laughed because I knew the snake wasn’t going to help him “

@RappaRick

“My name is Robert and I support apples.”

— Bob for apples

@MeatloafComedy

I just couldn’t get into “The walking dead”. It was far too unrealistic and fake for me. I mean, come on, an Asian guy named Glenn???

@LuvPug

I yelled “STOP EATING CAT TURDS OR IT WILL HURT WHEN YOU POOP!” & my dog stopped eating, so if you need a motivational speaker contact me

@novicefather

I’m at my most audacious and brazen when I shamelessly use words like audacious and brazen.

@metafroth

If I could time travel I’d go to my funeral and take names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well.

@daddydoubts

Me: what was your best day ever?

3yo: today!

Me: awww awesome. And what was your worst day ever?

3yo: today.

Me: but I thought today was your best day ever.

3yo: that was before you started asking so many questions.