I can’t take this anymore. I’m breaking into the zoo and throwing myself into the meerkat exhibit
Turkeys are crazy.
They hunch down and freeze in groups
in grocery store coolers to elude hunters.
Must be a safety in numbers thing.
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I was passing by, and I saw this guy in the bush shouting “Help, snake help”
I just laughed because I knew the snake wasn’t going to help him “
“My name is Robert and I support apples.”
— Bob for apples
I just couldn’t get into “The walking dead”. It was far too unrealistic and fake for me. I mean, come on, an Asian guy named Glenn???
I yelled “STOP EATING CAT TURDS OR IT WILL HURT WHEN YOU POOP!” & my dog stopped eating, so if you need a motivational speaker contact me
I’m at my most audacious and brazen when I shamelessly use words like audacious and brazen.
If I could time travel I’d go to my funeral and take names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well.
Me: what was your best day ever?
Me: awww awesome. And what was your worst day ever?
Me: but I thought today was your best day ever.
3yo: that was before you started asking so many questions.