You Might Also Like

@OctopusCaveman

Next time you hand someone a roll of toilet paper under the stall, hold their hand for a while. Let them know it’s gonna be okay.

@AnnietheNanny1

Please don’t use the phrase, “make love,” unless you’re speaking about what you want to do to a cheeseburger.

@Xoolun

Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst.

Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.

@HRTSMRT

I’d say at least 10% of parenting is smelling stuff.

@thombodytolove

me: *dipping broccoli in fondue* check it out im skinny dipping lol

waiter:

me: get it cuz its a vegetable haha

waiter: where are ur clothes

@breatheandlove

My mind has been wandering so long, we’re pretty much in a long-distance relationship.

@3sunzzz

[lunch date]

“I’ll have a salad.”

Narrator: Ursula then returns home and eats Fritos, Cool Whip and what appears to be leftover meatloaf.

@McClaneJohn2

I stubbed my toe on the foot of the bed and found out I know 5 different languages.