@recursivetaco: Turns out that “no tear” shampoo doesn’t stop your kid if they’re already crying.
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@Shira: Only in America would people violently trample each other for discounts, exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have...
@NYC_Blonde: I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through.
@ilovepie84: I bet when David Hasselhoff gets too drunk he roams the streets screaming "KITT!" When he can't find his car.