Come with me and I will help you realize your full insignificance.
‘Twas the day before Lent, and when it was done, not a creature was sober, not even a nun.
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me: i trained my cat to talk
her: let’s see
me: name an object pronoun
me: what do i say when i’m hurt
her: this sucks
me: just wait
cat: we’re just getting started Linda
Hell hath no fury like a woman not getting responses to her text messages while she sees that you’re continuing to tweet.
If someone brought me coffee right now I would follow them around like an imprinted baby bird forever.
I’m 41 years old, don’t ask me if I want to go see a band at 9:00 at night.
That moment of panic when you accidentally swipe left on Bae while getting food off your phone.
Why yes internet stranger, I have tweets that contradict each other. It’s a timeline, not a deposition
Save some A’s for the rest of the animal kingdom, aardvarks.
Mispronouncing words is my Ukulele’s Heel.