@cuntbucketOG

Twitter gives me renewed faith there’s always someone more stupid.

You Might Also Like

@sweetg35

Act now and we will double your order of crap!

Infomercials

@robfee

House Hunters:
We need plenty of space for entertaining, 62 bedrooms, a fully staffed Cheesecake Factory & a heliport. Our budget is $287.

@thatdutchperson

[does his regular grocery shopping]

Cashier: having a kid’s birthday party?

Me: ……………….yes.

@TheBoydP

Protip: Never end a work email with “Let me know if you want to discuss” without immediately leaving the building.

@FuckabillyRex

Stop talking about being sad. Use a bigger word like despondent so people will at least think you’re an intelligent cry baby.

@TweetPotato314

my wife: we have to wear what we died in for eternity!?

st. peter: that’s right

me: [from the back end of our horse costume] what’d he say

@emceej

Don’t forget to smile today, but not that creepy smile that makes us all wonder how many bodies are buried in your yard.

@ClichedOut

ME: can I start digging?

SOCIETY: no wtf that’s grave robbing

[waits an hour]

ME: how about now?

SOCIETY: ok now it’s archaeology