Things I learned from media:
Sanders has won a bunch of states but must drop out
Rubio shows he’s a contender by losing nearly everywhere
Twitter is the social media version of Grease. Ya know, 40 year old people acting like they’re still in high school.
You Might Also Like
Religious rituals and prayers sound really creepy when you replace “Jesus” with “Jeff”
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself:
“I’m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute.”
I took my dad to the gym with me today. The man clocks a mile on the treadmill before I could hit the Start button.
I’m not taking him with me again.
My parents do this fun thing when they show up for dinner at 6 in the morning.
If you’re walking around with a toothpick in your mouth you may think you look cool but we’re all just worrying about you tripping
According to some “experts” called “doctors”…
You can wake up without a hangover if you don’t drink the night before.
Prisoner: You inked
Me: *thinking about my “I hate prisoners” back tattoo* No why
? I’m like a bird, I’ll only swim away, I don’t know what a bird is ?