me: no shoes in the house
Twitter’s original name was “Sentence Contest”
You Might Also Like
You have -4 min to cook. Your ingredients are:
An apple w/ 1 bite out of it
Chicken you didn’t thaw
– Chopped: Moms Edition
Welcome to adulthood. Your body now crackles like a carnival glow stick when you get up.
*goes to bathroom
*takes out phone
*pulls pants up
*forgets to poop
flight attendant: sir u can’t bring that on the plane
me: this is my emotional support refrigerator
I don’t wanna get too political here, but I plan on voting for whichever candidate will do something about Meghan Trainor.
Cashier at the liquor store wished me “Happy Holidays”…
As if I’m not going to be back three more times before Christmas.
Sia’s full name is: “Sia…Wouldntwannabia.”
*dog barks at absolutely everything, every time*
Me: SHUT UP
*dog barks at burglar, one time*
Me: It’s like he just knew there was danger
Me recordaron éste meme