I have a new phone charger but I also have a teenage daughter which means I somehow have an old charger and she has a new one.
*typing “eight spiders” into my calorie app*
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I can tell Spring is almost here because I’m on the verge of wanting to kill myself but I’d also like to plant some bulbs.
No bond is stronger than two coworkers who hate the same person.
I have way less energy than your average haunted doll.
I think all dads are in a secret competition to see who can sneeze the loudest.
What if I color on you? What if I run a truck along your back? Steal your toy? Throw a ball? Spit food at you?
– My toddler, wooing the dog
Social distancing does not mean go chill at your friends house
I just shaved so now my jeans finally fit again
[first day working for IKEA]
Customer: one nightstand please
Me: sorry, I’m married
Me: I’m living paycheque to paycheque
Society: Maybe you should have gotten an education
Me: I’m a teacher