I keep getting a message that “Twitter is having issues”nnGood job guys…we drove twitter crazy!
Uber, but they come and pick up people that don’t stop talking.
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Me: So you’re an Atheist?
Me: So what year is it?
Me: based on how years are counted after a certain birth?
my nephew is 13 and starting to ask girls on dates. so he asked my brother what was the best way to ask a girl on a date and he told him to find something they were both interested in and ask if she wanted to do it.
so my nephew asked the girl if she liked chicken nuggets.
So glad I finally got around to correcting that spelling mistake I made to the girl I fancied 8 years ago
I can make your girl scream louder than you can ever make her!
I just got off the phone with God. He’s pretty bummed out. Poor guy has a huge crush on an atheist, but she doesn’t even know he exists.
scientist: the universe is 14 billion yrs old
me: i believe it
waiter: this plate is hot
me: yeah right *touches it*
Ignoring your text is easy. It’s having to park my car 8 blocks away so you think I’m not home when you drive by that’s awkward.
For Jesus this was anything but a Good Friday.
I await the announcement that Trump’s running mate will be Charlie Sheen.