“You always overreact and make things dramatic. It’s really annoying.”
*raises megaphone to lips*
Ughh…7 more hours till I can go home. Oh, sorry, my Canadian friends…7 more Kilometers till I can go home. Or is it liters?
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I’m an undesirable. I have been excommunicated from society doomed to walk this Earth forever alone & unloved.
ALAN! MY MAN! I’D LOVE TO GO TO THE BAR! GIMME A SEC! A KID JUST FELL IN THE LAKE, YOU KNOW I CAN’T DRINK ON AN EMPTY STOMACH!
Yeah avengers endgame was good but I found out my boyfriend is a movie clapper so at what cost
[Me being beaten to death w/ can of frozen veggies]
“Oh peas no!”
“Why u bean like this?”
“Don’t u carrot all?”
Got super excited about a 200 meter butterfly till someone explained it to me.
So, It’s not ok to write “always best to have a spare incase you break the first one” on facebook, when someone announces a second pregnancy
I’m banned from Church ever since I yelled “fake news” one too many times.
Brings donuts to work because if I can’t be skinny neither can you.
Other parents do back-to-school pics of kids holding signs w/ their grade on it & mine are just a series of selfies w/ me & the bus driver.