@nPhelendriqal

Ughh…7 more hours till I can go home. Oh, sorry, my Canadian friends…7 more Kilometers till I can go home. Or is it liters?

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@aveuaskew

“You always overreact and make things dramatic. It’s really annoying.”

*raises megaphone to lips*
How so?

@CheckMeowTBruh

[social pariah]
I’m an undesirable. I have been excommunicated from society doomed to walk this Earth forever alone & unloved.

[social piranha]
ALAN! MY MAN! I’D LOVE TO GO TO THE BAR! GIMME A SEC! A KID JUST FELL IN THE LAKE, YOU KNOW I CAN’T DRINK ON AN EMPTY STOMACH!

@ballerguy

Yeah avengers endgame was good but I found out my boyfriend is a movie clapper so at what cost

@AbrasiveGhost

[Me being beaten to death w/ can of frozen veggies]

“Oh peas no!”

[WHAP]

“Why u bean like this?”

[SMACK]

“Don’t u carrot all?”

[CRACK]

@STACEYNIGHTMARE

Got super excited about a 200 meter butterfly till someone explained it to me.

@sozjalltheway

So, It’s not ok to write “always best to have a spare incase you break the first one” on facebook, when someone announces a second pregnancy

@Social_Mime

I’m banned from Church ever since I yelled “fake news” one too many times.

@kwirkyKerri

Brings donuts to work because if I can’t be skinny neither can you.

@ValeeGrrl

Other parents do back-to-school pics of kids holding signs w/ their grade on it & mine are just a series of selfies w/ me & the bus driver.