UK – We call it Autumn, from the French word “autompne” and later, the Latin “autumnus”


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Humans are 60% water.

Water is 60% sharks.

Humans are 24% sharks.


FRIENDLY REMINDER: Frankenberry is not the cereal. He’s the guy who CREATED the cereal. The cereal is his monster.


Clearly something went amiss when I said I liked an animal in the bedroom and he showed up with a raccoon.


[me at 22]
in a hurry, better run up this flight of stairs

[me at 32]
i threw out my back because the toaster startled me


“I want us to exercise together and eat more salads”, I said, turning to the spouse-shaped cartoon hole in the wall.


men r from mars , women r frm venus , neither are capable of reproducton or space travel so species dies out [RECALIBRATE SIMULATION?] <Y/N>


My grandma keeps talking about her monthly checks, prescription drugs and how much she loves Miami. I think she’s a rapper.


Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.


The only lie Republicans haven’t told about Obama is he’s white.