Unpopular Opinion: the wooden ball inside an avocado is a seed
Ultracrepidarianism is the habit of giving opinions & advice on matters outside one’s knowledge or competence.
Or, as I call it, tweeting.
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A smart woman knows when to give up and walk away
A southern woman has a shotgun and a shovel named give up and walk away
Me: people died on the Titanic but the lobsters were set free.
If vampires can’t see themselves in mirrors, how do they trim those perfect goatees?
Kurt Cobain did not die for you to wear his t-shirt to an Imagine Dragons concert
welcome to my podcast What Are Birds Thinking About where we speculate wildly about what birds might be thinking about today’s guest is once again not a bird
If zombies ever do attack, I’ll just skip coffee that morning. They’ll leave me alone because they’ll think I’m one of them.
“Daddy, where do babies come from?”
The stork flies them in.
“Why’s it take 9 months?”
Wind resistance. Go to sleep.
*police searching my home
So, the coffin is for Halloween?
Yes. Yes it is.
As your goth healthcare provider I urge you to drink water. There is nothing more attractive or intimidating than a hydrated goth.