@WildeThingy

Ultracrepidarianism is the habit of giving opinions & advice on matters outside one’s knowledge or competence.

Or, as I call it, tweeting.

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@OllyiConic

Unpopular Opinion: the wooden ball inside an avocado is a seed

@SouthernStylin1

A smart woman knows when to give up and walk away

A southern woman has a shotgun and a shovel named give up and walk away

@RiotGrlErin

Nobody:

Me: people died on the Titanic but the lobsters were set free.

@bazecraze

If vampires can’t see themselves in mirrors, how do they trim those perfect goatees?

@KelseyA1028

Kurt Cobain did not die for you to wear his t-shirt to an Imagine Dragons concert

@pant_leg

welcome to my podcast What Are Birds Thinking About where we speculate wildly about what birds might be thinking about today’s guest is once again not a bird

@alucardsdream

If zombies ever do attack, I’ll just skip coffee that morning. They’ll leave me alone because they’ll think I’m one of them.

@Reverend_Scott

Goodnight honey.

“Daddy, where do babies come from?”

The stork flies them in.

“Why’s it take 9 months?”

Wind resistance. Go to sleep.

@mydmac

*police searching my home

So, the coffin is for Halloween?

Yes. Yes it is.

@DothTheDoth

As your goth healthcare provider I urge you to drink water. There is nothing more attractive or intimidating than a hydrated goth.