Never eat the free guacamole at a sushi restaurant. It’s always waaay too spicy and doesn’t taste anything like avocados.
Um, products that have seals that read, “Do not use if seal is missing,” how are we supposed to know that a seal is missing if it’s missing?
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I bought shampoo for “badly behaved” hair. So relieved my hair will finally stop robbing banks and terrorising old ladies.
Nothing says authentic Chinese food like a neon “We Delivery” sign.
“I think I have ADHD, doc”
“I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford”
“yeah I keep losing my Focus”
get out of my office
Why stop with two L’s Lloyd? why?
Mom, remember we used to eat donuts?
-my 3 yo, 1 hour after eating a donut
When I said “it’s so big” I was referring to my disappointment
We’d like to sincerely apologize for booking the Karate Convention on the same day as the Rare Wooden Boards Fair
The world is so overpopulated, it’s getting so a girl can’t even find a nice, quiet place to yank out her wedgie.
BBC crime shows on Netflix:
– Inspector Grimpenchester
– The Hangman’s Ax
– Get Me Bumblry!
– Miss Lettie Pennyfeather’s Detective Concern