Have you ever looked at someone’s phone’s selfie wallpaper and look at the owner and look again at their selfie and back again to the owner?
“Umm, what are you doing? Can you not? Seriously, get off me!” – The first horse ever ridden (probably)
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I’m invincible. I can not be Vinced
What genius called it a ‘bar’ and not an ‘alcohall’?
if anyone starts quoting the bible to you, a funny thing to yell is “NO SPOILERS I HAVEN’T READ IT YET”
Eating chips and watching TV annoys me because of the loud crunching noise. Then I realize I’m eating chips and watching TV and I’m not annoyed anymore.
The dogboner /Neil degrasse Tyson situation has been an elaborate ruse all so Michael hale could claim on gawker that he has a girlfriend
I wanna see some BUTTS on da dance floor! ONLY butts. Detached from their owners, just kinda in a pile. In the middle. Nice. Good butt pile.
Screech up to a yard sale. Ask if they have any haunted amulets. Yell at the dog in your backseat, “I’m GETTING the spell reversed, Greg!”
PROLOGUE: This novel is based on a true story
AMATEURLOGUE: This stuff is like for reals or something
17: Want to see a movie?
17: Afternoon show only, so no one sees us together.
Me: Ok. *Posts pic on IG. Tags all her friends.