Understanding women isn’t rocket science.

Rocket science has rules and boundaries.

You Might Also Like


Nothing freaks out people like unblinking eye contact in a public restroom.

Especially when you do it from underneath the stall divider.


*slips the attendant $20* “make sure you pick me out a good one”

Sir this is a daycare…

“uh huh *winks* a daycare”


Bed Bath & Beyond starts off pretty normal-sounding, but then it goes galactic.


Shit. Gotta huge job interview tomorrow and I have no clue where I put my prom dress


[on the phone with an ex while violently twisting and stabbing a voodoo doll]

Are you sure you’re ok?


I dunno, I think Kim Jung Un’s surgeon did a killer job.


My life as a parent is less Mary Poppins and more Shawshank Redemption.


Girls. Don’t get upset if your twitter crush stars a really hot girl or even retweets her cause she is prolly really a dude. Stay calm.


Turns out that when asked which was my favourite of all the X-Men that “Caitlyn Jenner” was not a valid answer.


[At bar]

*all sweaty after doing the worm*

Me: *out of breath* see anything you like?

Her: called 911, thought you were having a seizure.