@Nofstnme

Unfortunately….. Nobody wants to have sex with your inner beauty.

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@shadonium

Kid: What’s a man?

Dad: A man is who loves unconditionally , cares about you and protects you.

Kid: When i grow up, I’ll be a man like mom

@FunnyMojoJojo

I think Newton was actually hit by pigeon shit when he discovered gravity.. Falling of apple was just a ‘dignified’ cover up…!!

@Tolunimii

‘Oath’ for breakfast, Affidavit for lunch perhaps. 😂😂

@bea_ker

Teachers love saying ‘If Shakespeare was alive today he’d be a rapper’. Wrong. If Shakespeare was alive today he’d be a 460-year old freak and people would fear him.

@SpenceDen

*fills the ice tray once*

I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES ANYTHING IN THIS PLACE

@MEQ_777

I need a bad ass dress for Friday night. Anybody know where I can find a Forever 41?

@celestinelea90

*takes earrings out*
*takes bracelet off*
*slips out of shoes*
*tears off jeans, shirt, bra*
*shaves head*

Ok Doc you can weigh me now

@perlapell

Hey Young Girls, when a first date suggests you two go to “your place”, take him to Target.

@SergioValenCo

Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.