@AddledPixie: "Unhand me you cad!" I shriek, before turning disappointedly to see that I've only caught my shirt in the silverware drawer.
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@TheAlexNevil: When people don’t say thank you for my holding a door open for them, it’s not a big deal. I simply run ahead to the next door they’re about to go through and tightly hold it shut.
@batkaren: As if it weren't bad enough being stuck inside this increasingly failing meat chassis, why's the calcium scaffolding gotta be weakening too?
@oakhillbargrill: Son: I'm addicted to morphing Dad: Oh God no, are you smoking it, injecting it? Son: No Dad,not Morphine Dad: what? Son: *turns into bat
@aJasonWeight: Gym employee: -and here's your membership card. Me: So we fight here? GE: What? Me: I fight you and get your gym's badge. So you want me to defeat you in your office or- GE: Oh, ha! I think you might be confused (turns baseball cap around) for it is you who will taste defeat