If your idea of an “Epic” deal is $5 off then we may have different interpretations of that word, Pottery Barn.
Unless someone tries to take a kneecap out with a crowbar, I have no interest in watching the Olympics.
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All I’m saying is there’s no coincidence that Superheroes come in all forms and so does cheese.
Pigeons are the dandelions of the animal kingdom: unappreciated, plentiful, and when you give a bouquet of them to ur mom she won’t like it
Accidentally taught my dog to play dad instead of play dead and now he won’t stop barking at me when I try to touch the thermostat
Bikini season is just around the corner.
Unfortunately, so is the Mexican restaurant.
1995: [goes to store, video is rented] Maybe next time
2017: [netflix takes 5 mins to load] This is a nightmare
Please. Do not push me into the pool. The pockets of my cargo shorts are filled with packets of Kraft Mac & Cheese powder.
Practice self-care like a star, be lonely and distant & allow nothing to survive on your surface.
Most people don’t think I’m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
I’d like to fill out a police report.
*describes myself to the sketch artist*