@BritXNic: Unless you met your spouse while committing a diamond heist, I don't need to hear how you got together.
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@maddyalou: Feeling sick at work. Subway to the bus-$5 Bus to commuter lot-$2 Puking in my car-$0 Guy in the car next to me puking in response-priceless
@idiosity: Went by the house where I grew up. Asked to go in to look around, but they said no and shut the door in my face. My parents can be so rude.
@Angibangie: What’s the fetish called when you can only get off if Gordon Ramsey is yelling at you that your risotto is garbage?
@justaride: I accidentally answered the phone with my last name and got promoted to homicide detective