[awesome life of caterpillar]
1) all I do is eat, awesome
2) time to sleep in this cozy bag, awesome
3) *wakes up*OMG I CAN FLY NOW, AWESOME
Unlike the sons, the Mumford daughters all married at young ages just for the chance to change their names and hide their unfortunate family history of angry banjo playing.
You Might Also Like
My mom asked where the remote was and my son told her it was up her ass. She high-fived him and then turned around and slapped me.
During childbirth the pain is so great that a woman almost knows what it’s like for a man to have the flu.
The most high pressure life situation is doing math in front of someone.
kid: 5 more minutes
dad goat: no it’s pasture bedtime
Angel: Whatcha makin?
God: I call them peanuts. A tasty treat in a protective shell. They’re not really a fruit or vegetable. Most people will love to eat them.
Angel: That sounds innovative-
God: Others will eat them and die
Angel: …is this a prank?
Extremely suspicious that there’s no information about brains that didn’t come from a brain
*Batman receives electric bill for Bat Signal*
“ALFRED WE’RE GETTING IPHONES.”
I’m a low maintenance girlfriend. Just bring me a bouquet of cats.