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@leez_rat: Ur hot plz marry me.
OH MY GOSH SORRY FOR THE POCKET TEXT LMAO
@Loli_Sug: Me: k well my phones gonna die so I'll ttyl
Mom: But ur office is a landline?
Me: oh...so it is....K well the building is on fire, sooo ttyl
@AddledPixie: "Mommy, why does an old person's skin look so see-through?"
Aw, honey, it's just because they are getting ready to be a ghost. Sleep tight.
@GoddessTitty: NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE
Waiter: ahem *points to sign*
Me: oh that's fine, I'm not ordering anything
@mejustbeth: Someone in my neighborhood is cooking bacon and now I'm wondering if I should have been more friendly to my neighbors for the last 18 years.
@Cpin42: To catch chlamydia, you have to think like chlamydia.