@TheOnion: ‘Us Weekly’ Wins Pulitzer For Outstanding Achievement In Photoshopping A Rip Between Divorced Celebrity Couple
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@kelly__le: If the Amish don’t use curse words, how does Amish Tourette’s sound? “Beards!” “Churning Butter!” “Bonnets!”
@NickAmadeus: Every Ryan Gosling movie is about what would happen if a really weird guy was also incredibly attractive.
@DaddyJew: [getting dating advice from my dad] Just be yourself and don't do anything stupid "Well which one is it?"