@0000seapea808

When people tell me my skin is soft I can’t help but wonder if they’re measuring me for a rug

@0000seapea808

It amazes me how the moon controls the tides from hundreds of thousands of miles away…

yet, it’s a struggle to get my kid to pick up toys from only a few feet away

@0000seapea808

Really, eating peanut butter is just like doing kegels for your mouth

@0000seapea808

Pro tip:

Singing “Into the great wide open” is never ok during sex