There sure are a lot of hot Canadian chicks on Twitter….if I knew Canadian, I would totally hit on them.


I dont get laid nearly enough for someone who can name five different types of pokemon.


Role playing didnt go so well last night. She was the hot sexy teacher and I the rebel student..so I ditched class. Cause schools for nerds.


Saint Peter: Name

M: David

SP: You’re in

M: Even after that night in Nogales?!

SP *winks*

*takes a step*

*trap door opens*

SP: Sucka!


M: Come to bed…
Her: I have a headache
M: You’re a robot!


M: Nice try but you’re still under warranty!


Niece: I like math
M: 5 X 1?
N: 5
M: *takes out phone* right
N:You’re using your phone?
M: I got a text
N: I didnt hear a sound

*runs away*


*Running late
*Light turns green but car in front wont go
*About to honk when reads bumper sticker: honk if you love disco
*Is late for work