@16bitbulbasaur

me: *getting down on one knee*

my gf: omg i can’t believe it’s finally happening

me: *tightening my velcro strap* what

@16bitbulbasaur

date: i love a guy who isn’t afraid to curse during sex

[later]

me: *yelling* avada kedavra

@16bitbulbasaur

wife: do u want a glass of water?

me: of what?

wife: water

me: a glass of what?

wife: oh my god. *sighs* earth soup

@16bitbulbasaur

cat: *slowly approaches new vase*

me: you don’t wanna do that

vase: *pushes cat off the table*

me: i warned you

@16bitbulbasaur

[on a movie date]

me: wanna kiss

date: no thanks

me: *turning to the other person next to me* what about u

@16bitbulbasaur

date: i love a guy who isn’t afraid to curse during sex

[later]

me: *yelling* avada kedavra