Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of 1followernodad's best tweets

@1followernodad : Even getting salmonella from cookie dough would not convince me that you can get salmonella from cookie dough

@1followernodad: The scariest part of Psycho is when she gets in the shower and THEN turns it on.

@1followernodad: When you're checking for murderers in your house, don't just yell out "hello!" that gives them the upper hand.


@1followernodad: the most impressive scene in any spy movie is in Casino Royale when james bond is in a hotel shower and knows immediately how to use it.

@1followernodad: me: how can Americans be so arrogant?

also me: *is mad when United States is listed alphabetically instead of at the top of a list*

@1followernodad: *unfurls blueprint*
Ok here's how I'm gonna make tonight about me.

@1followernodad: If I had gone to Rydell High, I would have walked right up to Rizzo and asked, "Rizzo? Is that short for Chorizzo?"

@1followernodad: I've started replacing "yes" with "sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti."

@1followernodad: My FedEx guy knocks on the door like his son is dying and I'm the town doctor.