@215potter

My neighbor’s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.

@215potter

Back in my day a “selfie,” was something you did with the door locked and a bottle of lotion.

@215potter

Thank god my brother’s getting his PhD, I was running out of ways to disappoint my parents.

@215potter

Bong hits bring all the cheetos to my jaw, and it’s like, nom nom nom nom.

@215potter

If the human race has a “signature move,” its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.

@215potter

Someone just asked me to fax them my email address. Careful driving folks, these people walk amongst us…

@215potter

These Valtrex commercials are confusing… Are herpes a pre-requisite for kayaking and rock climbing?

@215potter

To my future kids: I apologize for the lack of college funds…

Blame mom, she INSISTED on organic produce from Whole Foods.

@215potter

Guy threw a banana peel out the window into my lane 2day. Yrs of practice paid off and I arrived to work safely. Thank you Mario Kart.