Kid: Mom, the light’s on in my closet.
Me: That’s weird. The monster must be looking for something.
Before kids: “I will make everything from scratch. We’ll be so healthy.”
After kids: “Someone bring me my binder of takeout menus.”
My parenting style is best described as “No” with a side of “Ugh. Fine, but please don’t hurt yourself.”
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
Bathe your child in lavender soap before bed so you’re both nice and relaxed before you lose your mind when they won’t go to sleep.
Most googled search terms today
Before the eclipse: How to make my own cereal box viewer?
After: How to tell if my cornea is sunburned?