@2questionable

Kid: Mom, the light’s on in my closet.

Me: That’s weird. The monster must be looking for something.

@2questionable

Before kids: “I will make everything from scratch. We’ll be so healthy.”

After kids: “Someone bring me my binder of takeout menus.”

@2questionable

My parenting style is best described as “No” with a side of “Ugh. Fine, but please don’t hurt yourself.”

@2questionable

The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.

@2questionable

Bathe your child in lavender soap before bed so you’re both nice and relaxed before you lose your mind when they won’t go to sleep.

@2questionable

Most googled search terms today

Before the eclipse: How to make my own cereal box viewer?

After: How to tell if my cornea is sunburned?