@2tickytacky

She had silky hair and legs that went on for days. I was in bed with a horse.

@2tickytacky

If mobile wallets do away with credit cards, they’ll need to come up with an app that can scrape my windshield.

@2tickytacky

I generally don’t trim my ear hair until it effects my peripheral vision.

@2tickytacky

I marched in a high school band, caught an armed robber, and sold girl scout cookies. All I was trying to do was find my car.

@2tickytacky

Lemon is supposedly a good diuretic. I ate a quart of lemon pudding and nothing is happening.

@2tickytacky

If your date asks what you do for a living, just say “You let me worry about that.”

@2tickytacky

I went into a store with my kid and came out with a different one by accident. This one is a keeper. He says he does brake work. Well see.

@2tickytacky

I remember when “Something’s eating up data.” meant that guy from Star Trek was deeply troubled.