@2tickytacky

I marched in a high school band, caught an armed robber, and sold girl scout cookies. All I was trying to do was find my car.

@2tickytacky

Lemon is supposedly a good diuretic. I ate a quart of lemon pudding and nothing is happening.

@2tickytacky

If your date asks what you do for a living, just say “You let me worry about that.”

@2tickytacky

I went into a store with my kid and came out with a different one by accident. This one is a keeper. He says he does brake work. Well see.

@2tickytacky

I remember when “Something’s eating up data.” meant that guy from Star Trek was deeply troubled.

@2tickytacky

I posted a selfie and someone commented “Oh my! That was brave.”.

@2tickytacky

Mom made me take Millie to the prom. With her dark hair and big, brown eyes, I didn’t argue. Horseshoes can sure wreck a gymnasium floor.

@2tickytacky

OMG. My wife’s boyfriend made such a fuss when I told his parents at dinner about how noisy those two are in bed.

@2tickytacky

I had to memorize a random 18 digit password before she’d let me in. Guess who stole your Soap Opera Digest out of the mailbox, Mom?