@3dog101

*30 years into the Apocalypse*

Grandson – Before phones what did you do for fun?

*Pulls out faded extremely warn hacky sack*

Me – This shall be the best thing I bestow upon you. I also have a random shampoo bottle you can read while you poo.

@3dog101

I picked the wrong year to stop drinking.

– a Memoir

@3dog101

I tried on a pair of shorts at Target and they fit perfectly. I went to check the size and apparently I’m “husky child”

@3dog101

Me – Yes hit me Daddy

Boxing opponent – Dude stop please

@3dog101

Friend – Your grammar is horrible.

Me – My grammar is 97 and she’s a saint. You watch your mouth