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Page of 3sunzzz's best tweets

@3sunzzz : [Confessional Booth]

Me: My favorite sins are sins of the flesh.

Priest: FAVORITE SINS?!

Me: Why are you yelling? And gluttony, gluttony is a close 2nd.

@3sunzzz: I stopped seeing my therapist. All of my appointments were really disrupting my day drinking.

@3sunzzz: Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?

@3sunzzz: I don't mean to appear simple-minded but I don't understand how snails made it to Noah's Ark but unicorns didn't.

@3sunzzz: I'm not saying Coke is better, I'm just saying I've never heard anyone order a Jack and Pepsi.

@3sunzzz: My husband called and said he wants tacos for dinner. We've been together for 30 years and I still can't tell whether or not it's a euphemism.

@3sunzzz: [wine class]

Swirl your wine. Inhale its aroma. What do you smell?

ME: wine

Can you smell its buttery oaky notes?

ME: nope, still wine

@3sunzzz: What Geico said: We just saved you 15% on your car insurance.

What I heard: You should go shopping.

@3sunzzz: How am I supposed to adequately complain about my sunburn with no lobster emoji?

@3sunzzz: "I'm not letting you outside again," I say to my dog right before I let her outside again.