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@3sunzzz : My husband surprised me by taking the day off. I guess today is the day he finds out we've actually had a cleaning company for the last 5 years.
@3sunzzz: A shoutout to the jackass that stole my ATM card. I hope you enjoy your $3.62.
@3sunzzz: I just checked Amazon again and they still don't sell fire-breathing dragons. I'm a Prime member, this is bullshit.
@3sunzzz: As I sit in this coffee shop practicing for my Sign Language final it occurs to me, all of these people probably think that I'm talking to myself.
@3sunzzz: "I think this ice cream is spoiled."
*me drunk, eating mayonnaise*
@3sunzzz: My mom: Easter is at noon on Sunday.
Me: I'm not religious but I'm pretty sure Easter is all day.
@3sunzzz: Netflix: Are you still watching?
Me: Can you hear my chips?
@3sunzzz: Whenever I type 'drink', autocorrect changes it to 'drunk'. It's like it can predict my future.
@3sunzzz: H: What's for breakfast?
M: I'm having potatoes and orange juice. *sips juice*
H: Great, when are you making potatoes?
M: They're in my orange juice.
@3sunzzz: My husband put a few of his items in my luggage. I can't believe after 31 years I am still dealing with this shit. It's like he has no idea how selfish I am.