Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of 3sunzzz's best tweets

@3sunzzz : Do you want to see a 4yo cry on their birthday? Give them a Slinky and wait about 7 minutes.

@3sunzzz: It's like my grandma always used to say, "Don't go to the grocery store hungry and don't go to the liquor store drunk."

@3sunzzz: My husband said I talk too much, so we had a nice long chat about that!

@3sunzzz: I got a gumball machine for my 11th birthday. It was like saying, "Hey I got you a gift but you have to pay $.10 every time you want to play with it."

@3sunzzz: Um, products that have seals that read, "Do not use if seal is missing," how are we supposed to know that a seal is missing if it's missing?

@3sunzzz: Friend: I'm engaged! *flashes ring* He bought me this beautiful teardrop shaped diamond!

Me: ah, the irony

Friend: What?!

Me: What?

@3sunzzz: My husband changed his cologne brand for the 1st time in 31 years. Now he smells like I'm having an affair.

@3sunzzz: Assert your dominance by putting a few decorative pillows in your husband's truck.

@3sunzzz: Whenever I want my son to visit I tell him our dog keeps going in his old bedroom trying to find him.

@3sunzzz: I write fake chores on my to-do list just to scribble them out, then my husband thinks I do more.