Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@4SLars : I was voted, "most likely to interfere with a corpse," in high school.
@4SLars: Look, lady: Your boyfriend can either read Roman numerals or understand emojis, but you can't have both.
@4SLars: I've got these gifted children and I want to know how long it is before I can re-gift them.
@4SLars: All cats can totally do taxes, they just won't.
@4SLars: I'm good in short bursts like grenades or gamma radiation.
@4SLars: Recently, I've been politely refusing all invitations with, "I'd rather drink my own blood."
@4SLars: I realize how this looks, but that guy's neck was already like that when I got here.
@4SLars: So glad I spent $50K on university instead of saving for retirement; I'll be the most well-read indigent in the VIP area under the overpass.
@4SLars: No, I always make this wincing face when I talk to people saying awful shit. It's not just you.
@4SLars: I won't ever use botox. I want everyone to know when I'm scowling at them. My general disdain is much more powerful than my vanity.