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Page of 70Ceeks's best tweets

@70Ceeks : *He-Man at table read*
"By the power of Greyskull, I have the- hang on-
*pointing to script*
should it say 'power' again here?"

@70Ceeks: son is fuming bc his sister is staying home from school AGAIN. he just opened her door and said "and here's the liar in her natural habitat"

@70Ceeks: honey it's not what you think- we were planning your surprise funeral

@70Ceeks: SOMEBODY: she had a boyfriend who looked like that girlfriend that you had in february of last year
ME: what the hell are you talking about

@70Ceeks: at the salon thinking of going darker for winter

maybe i'll kill the shampoo girl

@70Ceeks: north carolina to sue over bathroom bill
hillary: stop calling him that

@70Ceeks: I undo his overall strap & slide it off a barely perceptible shoulder. I pull his steel work goggle down around his "neck"
"BanaNA" he moans

@70Ceeks: hungover at 22: dag gonna be 9 minutes late for work
at 39: ...finally, to my faithful cat elroy i leave my cache of nagano '98 olympic pins

@70Ceeks: Chefs who can't admit failure present:
Soft-boiled eggs
Steak tartare
Twice-baked potatoes
Sour cream
Pineapple upside down cake